The Power of Pono

Señora Armstrong taught my Westlake School for Girls 7^th grade Spanish class. She had a profound effect on my love of learning, desire to travel, and ability to communicate. To the best of her ability she tried to get me to speak without using my hands, but if anyone has ever seen one of my store videos, you know that was an impossible challenge.

She is a vibrant 98 ½ years young and I visited her last month in Oahu to let her know in person that she made a difference in my life. I invited my 82-year-old dad to join me on the trip and I was hoping that after an evening of kibbitzing and reminiscing with her he might stop kvetching about being old and cranky.

She invited us Saturday night to her club to watch the sun set over Waikiki. We enjoyed a light meal and a local band covering 80s tunes like the Talking Heads “Once in a Lifetime.” I tuned out of the conversation between Señora Armstrong and my dad and into the lyrics. “And you may ask yourself, Well, how did I get here?”

I often wonder about my choices that led me to where I am and am quite aware of the people along the way who guide me.

After we finished dinner, we exited past the band who were then playing “Louie, Louie” which immediately transported me back to 1984 when Animal House cast members “Otis Day and the Knights” played at the Harvard School Homecoming.

The next morning while claiming the perfect lounge chairs between the Halekulani Hotel’s pool and the gate to the beach, I told my pool attendant Kawelo, whose family traces back to the Polynesian settlers of Hawaii, about my evening with my teacher and how grateful I was that my parents made sacrifices to send me to private school. He corrected me and said, “They invested in you.”

He told me to be careful how I choose my words because they hold power. He then arranged the mattress covers. He pointed out the native Naupaka succulents that were planted in front of my chair and explained their healing powers. I asked him about the meaning of his name. He said that it means family tree and that it’s ironic that he works on the property where his great, great grandmother was born. I thanked him for sharing so much with me as I slipped his tip into his hand. He thanked me and suggested I try the Mai Tai.

He was right. It was delicious. It was clear that Kawelo was my angel.

I looked for him the following day, not only to help me with the chairs, but also to see if he had another life lesson for me. I told him that I’m fascinated by language and how some words, like Aloha, have very deep meaning.

He asked me if I knew Hawaii's state motto "Ua mau ke ea o ka aina i ka pono" which translates to "The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness."

I did not.

He explained that pono was a complex word. It means being in perfect alignment and balance with all things in life and with the creative energy of the universe. To be pono means to be in a state of harmony or balance with oneself, others, the land, work and life itself.

I told him how much I appreciated his time and teaching as I was preparing for the Jewish New Year and looking for ways to grow into a better version of myself. I didn’t explain that I was hoping to be one of the righteous inscribed in the heavenly Book of Life.  However, it was not lost on me that I had a lesson in righteousness at the Halekulani, which means House Befitting Heaven.

I reflected upon how I could be more pono. I determined that I need to work on my anger. I don’t like who I am when I’m cut off in traffic, when I feel disrespected, and when I don’t get my way. I’m embarrassed by my words, my tone, and my actions when I’m angry at myself and with others. I hurt when I stress eat, blow off a workout, or can’t complete my daily to-do list.

As I clench my fist and tap over my heart, I say, “I am truly sorry Tara for how I hurt you this year.” I feel even more remorse for anyone who was in my path when I was scared, frustrated, annoyed, and angry.

Each year we ask for another 365 days. But we’ll never know if we’ll get them. So, I will strive to be kinder to myself and others. I will let go of judgement. I’ll appreciate the beauty in plants that can heal jellyfish stings, teachers who spark curiosity, and parents who believe in their children.

Not all of us will live to 98 ½. We can’t control the length of our lives, but we can control the width. Live pono every day.