My Birthday Wish

While wandering in the Wadi Rum desert in 2023, I determined that I would break my bad habit of using negative vocabulary. Instead of calling a coffee bad I’d use a descriptive adjective like bitter and when describing myself I’d stop using the F word and try bloated or distended.

Words have power and I strive to have positive and uplifting words in my life. It hasn’t been easy when media bombards us with war, hate, deportation, corruption, crime, and fraud just to name a few. I try to limit my exposure to social media and quickly view the headlines before and after work to see if I missed anything newsworthy like cyclones, plane crashes, or the passing of Gene Hackman. My friends know to send me cute animal videos from puppies to baby penguins learning how to swim and that I won’t open links that aren’t relevant to my life. I don’t hold space for gossip, and I strive not to judge red carpet fashion, though I can’t understand the trend for sheer dresses.

I joke when I’m in my shop that I’m hosting a daily open house party. Like a good hostess I strive to make my guests happy by having a lively conversation, being an attentive listener, and meeting my company’s needs.  January was a tough month mentally and emotionally because of all the painful stories my customers shared. I’ve never been more grateful to be a store owner who was able offer a safe place for an aching heart to visit and experience a moment of normalcy.

Last month two couples with strollers wandered into my shop for the first time. One family went straight to the children’s books and the other split apart. The husband sulked by the front door while reading his phone while his wife meandered around. Suddenly the husband emerged from the corner and bounced up to his wife while exclaiming with glee, “Trump is going to deport Prince Harry for being a drug addict.”

Immediately I blurted out, “Please don’t say negative things in my store.”  I had a visceral reaction that may have been triggered because my cousin died in 2023 from an overdose or because my housekeeper fears her friends might be taken away. The husband was incensed and shouted at me, “What? I can’t talk to my wife?” I replied, “Of course you can. I just can’t handle the negativity.” Then he stormed out with his family following silently behind him.

I apologized to their friends who were at waiting at the register and said that I’ve just had so much sadness in my store lately that my heart can’t handle darkness.

Within two hours I received a Yelp notification that I had received a one-star review. “I was in the store speaking with multiple friends and I was talking about world events and the owner asked me to leave because she didn’t like the subject of my conversation. I let her know that she cannot censor free speech, regardless of where it is.”

I was stunned. I asked for kindness and was met with spitefulness. The wife intentionally set out to hurt me and my business. I have never in over twenty years in business asked anyone to go away except for a homeless man who made me feel unsafe.

I was so distraught that she lied about the experience. I contacted Yelp to remove the fraudulent review but they wouldn’t. I wanted to respond to her that I’m a Rotarian, a Beverly Hills commissioner, and an active member in a community that believes in “Service Above Self” and that kindness matters. I was not upset that they mentioned the President’s name but was distressed that they were delighted by his cruelty. I wanted to write that deportation, addiction and the demise of a stranger’s life is not something to be celebrated. It is lashon hara, a Yiddish term for malicious gossip. In Judaism, it is considered a serious transgression or sin like murder, idolatry, and forbidden sexual acts. Rabbi Israel Meir Kagan (1839-1933) writes “it is also forbidden to listen to lashon hara. One should either reprimand the speaker, or, if that is not possible, one should extricate oneself from that situation.”

I realized that I wouldn’t be able to communicate with a woman who would want to hurt another woman, especially a small business owner. Retail has been a struggle since 2020 and every year I find myself in yet another challenge from supply chain issues and tariffs to Hollywood strikes and war that forces me to constantly pivot. At this point I’m spinning. The only things that keep me from falling is focusing on the good and the belief that my store makes a difference in my neighborhood.

I love being in my shop so I can connect with my community and help bring joy to people through the objects I curate. I have a morning mantra that I repeat daily before I brush my teeth.  “I can’t control who comes in. I can’t control what they spend. But I can control that customers leave happier than when they walked in.”

All I’ve ever wanted is to fulfill my purpose in life, which is simply to make the world better.

For my 56^th birthday on Tuesday, please join me in making my wish for more kindness, to ourselves and to others, come true.